*grins like an idiot* Happy happy dayyyyyeeeee! XDD I went out with her again today. I dont know why I decided to start blogging everytime I go out with her now. @__@ Anywho, sweetness! XD We went to Parade this time, saw Karyn and Ah Fan. Karyn said Leong and Kai Teng were there as well, but I didnt see them. ~_~ ANYWAYS. We watched another movie we hardly paid attention to. XDD Heh, everytime I look at her, she just keeps getting cuter and cuter. X) So uhmm, yeah, during the movie. ~_~ I'm not gonna go into that. XD But I swear those effin girls sitting behind us were talking. ABOUT US. They went in canto but I'll translate.

Girl #1 : There. That girl in front.. Tomboy wan..
Girl #2 : Yes meh?
Girl #1 : Yalahh, see the hair also know edy.. The tomboy and one girl 'pak tor'..
Girl #2 : But girl and girl wo..
Girl #1 : Lez lor.. One tb, gf wearing the skirt..

MEHHHH! They were talking so effin loud. I think the whole cinema can hear them. ~_~ After the movie, we walked around a bit, we went to Starbucks coz she was thirsty. I thought she didnt like coffee but she knows I'm a coffee obsessed freak. XD She ordered the coffee Ken Ann likes, the toffee one. Then we just sat in those comfy comfy chairs in Starbucks, talking.. It was pure bliss.. I was in my most favourite place in the world with my most fave person in the world. XD

I cant possibly get any happier. X) japsuki's X'mas rotation is coming on perfectly, I went out with her today and I'm going out with Ken Ann on Tuesday. =) I havent spoken to Ken Ann in ages. So we'll get to catch up a whole lot in Parade on Tuesday. ^^ I'm really looking forward to it. I'm gonna get her that pink Nike bag she wants so much as an uber belated bday prezzie. >_O I miss her LOADS. I should've msged her more and asked her to go out more. Gahh, I'm out of credit so I cant reply or msg Ken Ann. =( But we get to spend a day, just the two of us, in Parade next Tuesday. w00t! =D

Also I went out with her today. X) We wanted to watch Eragon but it was full so we ended up watching some Cantonese show that I couldnt quite understand lol. Needless to say, we didnt pay much attention to the movie. XDD And she even got me this lollipop! X33 I dont have the heart to eat it, but its sweet lovely candy... *__* I saw Sook Mun and cousins and Kai Teng there. Kai Teng saw my braces. 8D Just said hi to them and stuff. I also saw Debbie there. She's still her small tiny self. XDD OH OH! We shared a McD sundae as well! Although it melted in the end. =( And she teman-ed me to the Arco Home Deco place to get my mom some Xmas bags thingy. I guess thats when the sundae started melting in the sun. =( Oh well. It was still sweet and yummy. XD I'd like to go out with her again. =]

I am a coward.

I started thinking a lot today. Well, I think a lot everyday actually.. What else is there for me to do? Lie down and let my brain rot all day? >_O I realized I'm blaming her for the way we are now.. I blame her for not talking to me.. I blame her for us drifting apart.. But then it hits me.. Its my fault too ne? I never msg her.. I never go on msn anymore.. I didnt even show up at the break dance thingy, I would've seen her then.. She msged me to go, but I didnt have credit to reply.. And honestly, I was scared to see her again.. I mean, after feeling so far apart.. I cant suddenly run up to her and laugh like last time.. I wish I could.. I'm not going to Leong's party either.. I mentioned it before.. I guess, next time I'll be seeing her is when.. We collect our PMR results.. Will we be all weird around each other? I remember all the times back then.. I was so close to her.. I could do anything in front of her and not feel weird.. Now I'm even thinking of pretending everything's okay in front of her.. Haih.. I really failed huh.. I used to get so happy everytime I made her laugh.. Seeing her happy made me happy.. Too many thoughts are racing through my head.. This post must seem very disordered. >_< I need to talk to her.. I'll msg her.. Yes, I'll msg her tomorrow..

I seem to have been forgotten ne? She doesnt seem to remember me.. Hell, I hardly know her now.. I dont like it.. But she doesnt bother.. Why should I? Haha, I've always been like that.. Why should I care about someone who doesnt care about me? Why waste the time? We used to be so close.. I just feel like we're drifting apart.. I used to get so scared when we drifted apart.. I remember msging her asking her whether she felt it too.. A long time back.. And she laughed, she made all the bad feelings go away.. Now, I dont know.. I'm suppose to go to Leong's bday tomorrow.. My mom wont let me, I missed a whole lotta tuition and Maziah's going on a rampage, kicking everyone who misses a lot of tuition out.. Zoe got kicked out, Joyce Toon got kicked out, Phui Yan got kicked out.. I dont wanna be like them.. Anyway, I dont really feel like going.. I imagined the holidays to be fun, where I got to spend lots of time with my friends.. But I seem to have drifted apart from them.. I have no mood to do anything.. Luckily I have her.. At least with her around, I know I'm not dead inside yet.. But it seems like I'm dead, very dead, to others.. To D.. I'm forgotten.. All those times and memories we share, did she really push that all away?

I've got a whole lot of things going through my mind.. And its all about her.. Only 2 more days.. Somehow I find it funny that we got together on the guy that I absolutely love, Miyavi-sama's, bday lol.. I had my insecurities about her.. Sometimes I just feel so unimportant to her, so pushed aside.. When she tells me there's really no one else above me.. But I just feel so left aside.. Its not the first time I felt it, and there's only so much hurt I can take ne? And I remembered Ken Ann told me, it takes two to make a relationship work and if I dont tell her, she's never know.. So I told her everything last night.. We've sorted things out.. We always do, we have out little arguments, our little problems.. I guess whats so special about us is that, we're both willing to listen and comfort.. And help make that problem go away.. But I felt bad, for making her disappointed in herself.. She really did want me to be happy.. She really wanted to be the husband who makes her wife happy.. And what I was telling her was she makes me unhappy.. She didnt know she hurt me so much.. But she should also know how she's the only one that can make me smile again when I sink into depression.. She's been such a great husband to me.. Everytime I needed someone, she was always there.. Even when we're not talking, I know I'm not alone.. Nobody really cared before when there was a problem in the relationship, nobody tried to make it work except her.. Thats why I am thankful for her, I'm not gonna play around this time.. Not anymore, not when I can hurt such a precious person to me..

Today isnt the happiest day of my life. I think that's coming soon though. XD I love X'mas. XDD But I was and still am extremely happy. X) Mainly coz she just kept me smiling throughout the whole day. And I found out something about her that me and my perverted self have in common. X) I doubt I'll be able to type it here. It's too..dirty? XD But I'm happy. I never let anyone before. And I did the same to her. X) I thought she wouldnt let me, I never tried, was too afraid she wouldnt approve. But now, she's all mine. X) I must sound like some sick perverted person. Well, I am. XD And I cant stop smiling now. x___x Seriously. I'm grinning like an idiot.

Yayyyy! I'm back from Bangkok! So I did sorta enjoy the trip since I managed to get an old issue of Fool's Mate. BUT BUT! It had a huge cover on Miyavi-sama. ^-^ I also managed to get Neo Genesis 2006 Year Book! Featuring The GazettE, Alice Nine, Antique Cafe, Plastic Tree and Nightmare. Happiness!! X33 But I'm also glad to be back, 5 days was just too long away from her. >__< But this post isnt about her. During all those travelling hours I had a lot of time to think you know? Mainly about her. And also about.. aiyah what to call her.. Hmm.. We'll just call her D. ^^" I had a lot of time to think about the two of us. We were so extremely close during the school days. I looked forward to coming to school everyday just to laugh with her. Even at the beginning of the year, when I was with someone else. I felt even more comfortable with D than my special person. Everyone thought she had replaced my other best buddy. Everyone called us the best of friends. But did I really see her as a friend? I still dont know now. My feelings for her are all confused. We're not so close now since the holidays started. And I regret that. I like having her around, no one could make me laugh the way she did. Maybe that's why I'm always smiling when she's around. She's found someone new, I dont know how things are with her and that guy. But I hope she's happy. I always thought she looked so troubled. Even when she was smiling and laughing with me. I never asked why. She never mentioned anything either. But maybe I was only imagining it. I'd like her to be happy. I'd dress up as a clown and do juggling tricks if that'll make her smile. I dont wanna throw away this friendship me and her have. I dont know how to talk to her now though. I refuse to go online and I dont have much credit. I dont see her around either. This sucks. All in all, I hope she's okay. I dont believe in God, or praying or anything like that. But if I did, I'd pray for my family, her, Miyavi (lol) and D. Yup.